Low

I made a med error at work due to my floaters. I'm an LPN at an assisted living facility. I need to be 100% concentrated on my job with no distractions. Thankfully the error was not fatal. I went home early and then the hell began. I had to take time off work. I would see my floaters and have panic attacks. They were long worm like shapes, dots, clouds, and webs all over my vision. The most annoying one was a worm. I remember trying to watch a series on Tv and that worm would not stop bouncing up and down the screen. It was awful. I would change my baby beside his colorful lamp and I would be concentrating more on my floaters than changing him. His changing table was beside that lamp. It was snowy outside and I couldn't look out the window or go outside without panicking. I stayed inside as much as I could. I would only go outside when I absolutely had to. I would sit on the couch and just cry.

My family blamed post partum depression. I got to the point that I didn't want to take care of my baby anymore. I disconnected from him. All I could think about was the floaters. How could you think about anything else when you cannot escape them? They are always there. Trapped inside my body. That's what people don't understand. They say "ignore them." So if I stand in front of you everywhere you walk, would you be able to ignore me? I don't think so.

I was an obsessive googler. I googled everything about floaters. I got to around page 50 on the google search engine. I watched youtube videos on FOV. I talked to people that had had FOVs. I was completely OBSESSED. I visited floatertalk about 30+ times a day. I think I read every post on there. Hours and hours of researching.

Finally after a huge crying spell I knew I had to do something. I was gonna kill myself and I knew it. I called the local mental health facility and told them and was treated like a drug seeker. "we cant get you in for any medication for at least a couple months, call 911 if you need to".

I went to my local OBGYN and claimed post partum depression. I knew I didn't have it. I didn't even tell him about the floaters. I sat in his office and cried. He gave me Zoloft and told me it would get worse before it got better. He was right. A week into the Zoloft I hit my lowest point. I was too depressed to even describe. Going through the daily motions was hard. I was a robot. a zombie. I had no mind left. I wasn't eating, showering, nothing.

Then things got a little better. I began cleaning house again, showering, and bonding with my child more. Thank God I had help from his father and granny during that terrible time. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist who then but me on trazadone, and buspar to go with my Zoloft. 

We discussed FOV. Making the decision to do FOV was the hardest decision I ever had to make. She didn't try to sway me one way or the other.  I started emailing a doctor and made an appointment in Washington for an FOV. I did not get my FOV there. I will explain why in my next post.

The Beginning

It all started in 2013 when I started nursing school. I noticed a single floater bouncing up and down on my ride home from school. I mentioned it to the people I carpooled with (my best friends) and they acted like I was crazy. I then started to obsess over it and noticed it on the white board, walls, etc. There were times I would obsess and then times I would get over it and ignore it. It was tolerable at that time.

I had my baby in November 2015. Toward the end of my pregnancy the floaters became unbearable. I remember dreading giving birth due to the fluorescent lights in the hospital. Thankfully it was such a joyful time I hardly noticed them. Two months after my baby was born, while at work, I cracked. Refer to blog #1

To be continued...